Refocus

quiero dibujar

quiero hacer fotografías

quiero estudiar, ampliar mi cultura general

quiero hacer mas amigos

quiero ser mas extrovertida

quiero ser mas segura, estar feliz de ser yo y nadie mas

quiero hacer ejercicio

quiero sacar un blog sobre mi oficio

quiero un tumblr sobre mis hobbies y cosas que me divierten/relajan

quiero un portafolio

quiero ser aceptada en una universidad fuera

quiero una beca

quiero una experiencia fuera de este país

Attempt #3

lo quiero mucho

disfruto mucho de su compañía, compartimos muchos gustos

confio en el

siento que tenemos un amistad, genuina

me hace sentir segura, tranquila, en paz

me tiene paciencia, me siento aceptada

me hace sentir querida, apreciada, amada

siento que me ofrece muchísimas cosas vitales para yo ser feliz

* * * * *

no estoy segura de que lo amo

siento que le falta cosas a su carácter para que yo me "enamore"

siento que falta pasión

de manera intermitente siento que falta atracción fisica

* * * * *

temo que haya alguien 'out there' más adecuado para mi como pareja

pero temo no encontrar todo lo que él me ofrece en nadie más, temo perder la comodidad y la aceptación en que disfruto al estar con él

* * * * *

quiero sentirme enamorada, locamente enamorada, como leo en libros, veo en películas y como una vez me sentí con una ex-pareja

siento que en la vida lo único que vale la pena es amar, genuina y totalmente, y eso es lo que quisiera conseguir

I miss his shenanigans

Last week my 4 year old pitbull, Billy Bob, died. I'm still having trouble getting used to the reality of his death. I didn't see it coming. Actually, no. I didn't want to see it... He was sick (leptospirosis), but we were giving him the best vet treatment we could. His vet never actually said he was going to die. But, later on, I found out that Billy's illness was in fact fatal in most cases.

He was a very good dog; kinda crazy, but good. I miss him.

I want to read

My semester ended and a new one just started. No complains so far. Lots of good teachers and interesting classes. 

This semester I intent to make myself busy 24/7. I work better under pressure. Otherwise, I don't get things done, and instead I sleep.

I want to start reading regularly. So today I bought a book recommended by my sister's boyfriend: "Todos los fuegos del fuego" by Julio Cortázar. I know nothing about it and hopefully that will make it all more interesting. 

Expect comments on it soon. Perhaps in Spanish... or not.

Where to be?

I've never really liked the idea of living in New York... But things seem to point out NY is my best (most affordable) option, if I ever do decide to get out of here.

I wanna leave, but it's so hard I'm having trouble figuring out wether it will be worth it or not. Will dropping out and starting all over again be worth it? Or should I just finish this degree here... and then leave to get a second degree? Arrg! These two lil questions mess up my mind and mood worse than my period.

I don't know what I'm going to do... I don't know what I should do.... I don't know anything about Medieval or Renaissance art and I have an Art History final tomorrow. Crap.

Regrets aren't pretty

I went to Houston, TX, came back to DR and since then I've been studying the possibility to leave home and transfer to a college in the US. But there's so much legal crap going on, every time I think about it my head hurts and I get frustrated.

Thinking I've been wasting my time for the last year and half, makes me want to slam doors, break glasses and swear at loud. Essentially, because it's all my fault. I should have made the decision to leave DR the minute I got out of high school. Or at least plan on it since then. That way I wouldn't have wasted as much time!

I keep saying "wasting time", but truth is I've learned a few things here... However, graphic design and web development are two different things! If only school wasn't so time consuming, I could try to learn programming by myself...

Well, enough regretting. *talking to self* Focus, woman! I need to figure out how to get out of this country.

Tu:

• Te alejas y me alejas;
• no confias es mi;
• no compartes lo que piensas/sientes/quieres;
• egoístamente acostumbras decir cosas que sabes que me lastiman y esperas que las aguante siempre porque sabes que te amo;
• sueles creer que mi intención es dificultarte la vida, cuando lo que quiero es ayudarte a conseguir lo que quieres en ella;
• ...

I tend to completely forgive and forget everything you do to me, but I dont want to anymore.

If, instead of scratching off items from this list, I keep adding, then Ill know for sure what I have to do.